Martin who Lives in Hell

My name is Martin and I live in Hell only it’s not a never ending post-mortem torture, it’s a real place and no the people who live here don’t know. I asked them, a lot of them, do you know what Hell is? And the answer is always the same, “well you’re in Hell Mr, Hell is this place right here, the best place in the world to live.” But you know what Hell means I reply, the place where you get sent after you die to be tormented and punished for all eternity. They just smile like idiots and tell me how funny I am, “the funniest thing I’ve ever heard”, some say, “that’s hilarious!” even but they never laugh, they just tell how funny it is then walk away shaking their heads looking for someone to tell the funniest story they’ve ever heard. No wait I say, you know the opposite of heaven? “Heaven?” they say with that idiotic smile, yes I say, the place you go after you die if you’re good. “But we’re all good, they say, we’re all going to the same place, call it heaven if you want”.
Now I know that’s bullshit because god is hardly a foreign concept to these people, there are churches all over the place and where there is god there is the threat of eternal damnation for not listening. I mean why else would an intelligent person do what they’re told, if they weren’t just the tiniest but scared about what will happen to them after they die if they dissobey. It’s human nature, I get that. So to find out how they don’t know what heaven is so I went to a church, I was the only one there by the way, and I asked a minister. He gave me the same answer, that there was no need for hell because everyone was good, that living in Hell meant you didn’t need to worry about a thing so they stopped talking about what happens after you die because it’s not important as long as you live in Hell like you are supposed to.